Who Loves You, Baby?

Blacks Need to Reinvent Marriage

In Main Event, News, Opinion on December 24, 2011 at 5:50 pm
English: Iman and David Bowie at the 2009 Trib...

Image via Wikipedia. Does Iman know she's ain't supposed to be hanging with Bowie?

English: Robert De Niro and his wife Grace Hig...
Image via Wikipedia. What’s going on here with Bobby D?

According to Dalton Conley, a sociologist and dean of social sciences at New York University, author of “Elsewhere USA,” and writer/blogger for the great New York Times, black people in America need to “reinvent” the institution of marriage.

For many, Mr. Conley is merely stating the obvious, but as a credentialed and professional sociologist repeating what Ralph Richard Banks said in his bestseller “Is Marriage for White People?,” his opinion is just one more in a chorus of informed and educated professors stating that black women remain statistical outliers in terms of turning their backs on interracial marriage as a whole and as a practice while black men leave them en masse.

Of course it’s everyone’s individual right and choice to do with their lives as they please, and if black women in America as a whole wish to remain single that’s fine, as Tracee Ellis Ross said in a previous piece.

Anyway, here’s a direct link to that piece:

And here’s a brief redux of Ralph Richard Banks’ comments from his bestseller that’s ticked off so many people, but his comments nonetheless are fairly straightforward, factual, and devoid of opinion:

So, what is it that ticks off so many people? That Mr. Banks dares to state the obvious and thereby airs some kind of secret dirty laundry the masses shouldn’t talk about? Is it racism, stigma, or just resistance to logical suggestions at helpful change?

  1. Well, I for one think black women in particular need to reinvent marriage by strongly considering men outside of our race. I don’t understand the insistence that love come in a particular package, for instance a black guy. Do you want love, kindness, compassion and a man to treat you well? Well then, why does he have to be black? If you are not having any luck meeting a black man, why not consider a white, Latino, Asian, or other combinations of men? Why do black women limit themselves so much? Is it fear of disapproval? If so, it’s time to give up the need for external approval. Spend time approving of yourself.

    So many black women are reluctant to date outside our race for many reasons including pressure from the black community who does not always have our best interests at heart. Black women are constantly being told to wait for a good black man who can rise to the occasion. I don’t hear anyone telling black men to wait for a good black woman who can rise to the occasion of being an excellent wife. No, black men date anyone they darn well please-and marry as well. Double standard much?

    It’s about time black women did the same thing, without guilt, apology or feeling like we need someone’s permission. The black community treats us like we are a bunch of children that need their permission to make major decisions about our private lives. We don’t need their permission. I don’t seek it and I don’t ask for it. As far as I’m concerned, who we marry is our business, no explanations needed. I guess according to Tyrese, I’m too independent.

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