Who Loves You, Baby?

Should Black Women Date White Men?

In Opinion on October 5, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Just imbibing the morning energy drink(less acid than your typical cup of joe

Cans of XTC.

Image via Wikipedia.

and actually more affordable) and checking out some random blogs, reading through all kinds of online “foolishness and mayhem,” (to quote Niecy Nash), on the topic of interracial dating, interracial marriage, bi-racial children, and so forth.

Maybe white men could never “satisfy” black women one blogger postulates, or would all “white boys” be nerdy goofballs asked another woman, or could they turn out to be stalkers asked comedienne Sommore (in at least one of her concert films and the rom-comSomething New“), or could white guys not be “tough”enough to protect you asked yet another.

Cover of "Something New (Widescreen Editi...

Cover of Something New (Widescreen Edition). Uh-oh...what will her girlfriends think?

Just as I’m preparing to begin checking out the typical roster of corporate “news” media sites, I chance upon a piece in the LA Times by Ms. Sandy Banks, the sister of the gentleman who recently penned the bestseller “Is Marriage for White People?” Her piece is reasonable and balanced –http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-1008-banks-20111008,0,6813163.column?page=1

Now, obviously, on the matter of interracial dating, we’re definitely for it, but it ultimately comes down to an issue of emotional maturity.

How much of your “free will” is determined by over-bearing parents, society, religious organizations or institutions, peer pressure, or fear of the new and different? To what extent do you as an individual want to be in a mutually-loving relationship and how does that weigh against being approved of by others?

If a man (or woman) doesn’t want to commit or take you seriously or won’t pay bills or cheats, it won’t matter whether they’re a taste of cocoa or some smooth vanilla creme. It’s time to motor.

And if you’re open to diversity, than you have a wider selection to choose from, a larger dating pool, and mathematically a greater chance at finding the type of person who will clip your toenails, make breakfast for both of you, and make you happy in other ways.

So, at any rate, it was difficult for me not to feel at least a tad better (after wading through all that internet dross material), when I came upon this article on (at least some) legitimate reasons for black women to be more open-minded when considering whether or not to date white men (yes, men).

Here’s the link:

  1. “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

    Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

    This quote has been my guiding principle when it comes to relationships with men. I am 110% in favor of Black women being much more open to dating and marrying not only White men, but also Asian, Latino or any other non-Black men I have missed. I’m a Black-American woman and I have been with my husband, who is White, for 14 years and married 9 of those years. However, the bottom line to me, when it comes to Black women and the men they choose to develop intimate relationships with, is this: What is the content of this man’s character?

    Way too much emphasis is placed on skin color and not enough emphasis is placed on spending the time getting to know a man to find out what his character really is. Regardless of what skin color a man is, a woman needs to know if the man they are involved with really respects women. Does he care about her feelings? Is he a good listener? Is he non-abusive? Does he lie? If she were to get pregnant, would he stand by her or abandon her? There are so many things to consider and I haven’t even scratched the surface.

    Skin color has never been a concern of mine, and I have been blessed with a beautiful marriage because of it. I would encourage other Black women to stop being so concerned with it as well. Stop caring what other people think about who you date, love and marry. If you have to lose some friends to be true to yourself and the man you love, then so be it. I think that’s the attitude one needs to have. Otherwise, you are always letting other people control you and your major life choices.

    But I will say this: always, always be very aware of what character traits men are showing you and pay very close attention. I don’t care what color he is. Because in the end, that is what will make or break a relationship. Listen very carefully to what men tell you about themselves. Don’t be so caught up in how good looking he is or the fact that he may be a different skin color than you that you are not listening and paying attention to who he says he is. And if they say they can’t be faithful, or have a bad track record with this or that, you’d better believe them. Men always tell you who they are and what their intentions are, sometimes directly and sometimes not so directly. Regardless, stay awake in relationships with men, whether they are White, Black or Brown. As good as it is to be open to men of other races, it’s much better to be smart about who you get involved with. Then, you are much more likely to enjoy your time or life spent with the man you’ve chosen, regardless of his skin color.

  2. I’m glad that you posted a lot of other articles whose opinions vary on the interracial dating topic. I acknowledge that there are a lot of steroetypes and mores associated with interracial dating, but to each his or her own. Do what makes you happy!

    • I want to thank you (and everyone else who takes the time to thoughtfully post a comment by the way) for your words.

      However, you didn’t say how you feel on the topic of interracial love.

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